evening of entertainment
May 28, 2009
My kids had their evening of entertainment at school this evening. I enjoy watching my kids perform very much. But it is events like this that, for me, are a constant reminder of how different my situation is.
When asking the teacher “what time do you think i should arrive to get a good seat” and the teacher asking another parent who serves on the parent board, that parent responds “oh, we drop the kids in their classroom at 6:30 and just head over” it’s no big deal kind of thing (the event starts at 7). Well, when all of your children are NT (neurotypical), then it probably is not a big deal. It’s interesting how little comments like this can stir emotions in me. This parent didn’t know that I have a child on the spectrum and that that child has difficulty in these types of situations and that, for those reasons, it IS important for me to have a seat up front. It isn’t so much that I need to have a seat up front to see my kids. It is more so that if something goes wrong, I can be right there to help my son. But, it bothers me that no one else just gets this. It bothers me that parents of typical children really have no idea how hard something as simple as an event at school can be for us parents of non-typical children. And it bothers me that these parents really have no idea how much easier they have it.
Well, on to the event. After giving the nanny a hard time about getting on his costume, my husband got my son dressed and off to school and into his classroom by 6:30. Of course, my daughter dressed herself in her costume and was well prepared for the evening.
Last year, my son wouldn’t let my husband drop him off in the classroom - there were tears and fears and many anxieties, after all, it is highly unusual to be dropped off at school at night. This year, he went in and started playing games with his classmates and let my husband go.
Last year, my son never made it up to the risers where he was supposed to stand in his position. He got distracted by some electronics or lights along the walking route through the church. So he ended up standing next to the risers. This year, he walked in his line and stayed in position and made it up the risers.
Last year, my son was distracted all through the song they were performing. There was the strange thing on his head - the angel halo - as if someone had just placed it on his head for the first time. There was the strange costume he was wearing. It was actually quite comedic and everyone enjoyed his comedy (I may have written about this previously). This year, he was up there and mostly singing and did not get distracted by his costume.
HOWEVER, just as I thought “he made it through”, they all took a bow and my son and one of his classmates in front of him bonked heads during the bow. My son put his hand to his head and I could see that the bonk hurt. He started crying as everyone was walking off the risers. He made it off the risers with the help of a classmate directing him but then he ran to me crying. Just when I thought I was going to get away with an event with no incident!
They had a grand finale with all of the kids from the school on stage at once. My emotions were all over the place. On one hand, I am so proud of my son for participating and for doing such a marvelous job - to have Aspergers and to be on stage with hundreds of kids singing in front of hundreds of people! And, then I see my daughter who I am also equally proud of - but for different reasons - she is just thoroughly enjoying and embracing the whole gig - it is such a joy to have an NT child! And then I feel guilty that I’m happy she’s NT and not Aspergers. And then I feel sad that I even have to think such a thing. And then I feel mad that my son has to be in these situations that reveal his differences. And then I feel angry that people aren’t more celebratory of differences. It goes on and on.
What, for some parents, is a simple night of singing and at most dealing with the hassle of getting through traffic to get there on time, is much more for me.
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